[0:01:44] Impostor Syndrome
Steve struggled with impostor syndrome for a long time. The first eight years of our life shape the person we turn out to be and his default self-image was the 14-year-old little boy who weighed 108 pounds. Though we often worry about what others think of us, the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves.
[0:05:48] Identity Crisis
Steve had a crisis when he left the NFL and it took a long time for him to figure out his identity. He believes his purpose is to help people gain clarity on what their legacy is and part of the process involves discovering one’s identity.
[0:10:33] Feeling Inadequate
Trendsetters like Bedros Keuilian, Lewis Howes and Ed Mylett are dealing with the same issue–they feel they’re not doing enough. Feelings of inadequacy plagued Steve from as far back as his school days when he played four sports just to prove he was worthy. He’s also had problems with drugs, alcohol and sex addictions.
On his first day of kindergarten, Steve was sent to the principal’s office and received a whooping. He realized not only was he out of bounds at home, but he was out of bounds at school. Sports became his life because it was the only place he felt loved and adored. At 36, Steve still has moments of self-doubt but he reminds himself that he’s beautifully and wonderfully made. Full freedom is being aware and choosing to affirm yourself.
[0:20:00] You Are Worthy
Men are worth more than paying bills and meeting other financial needs; men are meant to create a legacy. Your father may have made mistakes because he didn’t know any better but that’s no reason to perpetuate unhelpful family traditions. On his part, Steve is determined to change his family tree so he’ll be remembered for 10 generations to come. He and his wife have talked about their love languages–the things that makes them feel loved.
[0:25:02] Relationships at Home
Don’t build your relationships on the car, the 401(k) or the house. For a healthy relationship to flourish, people need to feel loved, supported, seen and heard. That’s the bottom line. Steve has a date with his wife every week and they spend six hours catching up, discussing the kids, and reconnecting with each other. Each week, he also makes a date with one of his daughters–a different one each week–where he lets them call the shots and makes them feel important.
[0:31:42] Play for an Audience of One
Many men struggle with self-confidence and self-worth but they never share their struggle because that would be seen as weak. Steve chose to live up to his truth by sharing his vulnerabilities, sharing things that aren’t sexy or cool and stuff that definitely isn’t marketable. The first step in building confidence is to forgive yourself for past mistakes because it helps break the cycle of self-sabotage. The second step is to make promises to yourself and keep them.
The word is from John Assaraf’s book, Innercise. Steve admits that much of his life was about extrinsic motivation such as Super Bowl trophies, winning awards, and having the perfect family, but none of those insulated him against feelings of insecurity. He learned to focus on the intrinsic and the results are amazing. Steve knows he has a calling to inspire people from all walks of life, helping people get past sexual abuse, addictions and other wounds.
[0:43:38] Four Areas of Focus
Steve places God at the center and then focuses on faith, family, finances and fitness, in that order of priority. Both Steve and Brad have experienced first-hand how things go wrong when you’re not being yourself and today they encourage people to be authentic. Let people decide to hang with you based on who you really are, not who you’re pretending to be.
[0:55:11] Marriage Retreat
Two years ago, Steve was sad and angry because his marriage was a wreck, his relationships were terrible, and the only thing that was in shape was his body and finances. He used to think creating a legacy meant building wealth, but he’s since discovered that legacy is about impact–fixing families, fixing relationships and healing the relationships men have with themselves. He and his wife are putting together a marriage retreat initially targeting a handful of few couples.
[0:58:46] Fixing the Family
Every business needs a mission statement and every family should have one, too. Your mission helps to drive the culture in your home because when issues arise, it all comes back to the mission statement. It is possible for couples to rekindle passion in their marriage and get excited about spending time with each other. It starts with forgiveness and open communication.
[1:06:58] The Championship Playbook
Steve is working on a coaching program for men which is structured like the NFL season and includes weekly coaching. Participants will make declarations of what’s going to happen in their life, in their family, finances, fitness, and faith. There will be special guest phone calls from Dr. Oz, Michael Strahan, Bedros Keuilian, and Ed Mylett. The idea is not only to inspire people to get off the couch but also to equip them for action and then support them through the process. This program is not about faith, so people who have no faith are welcome to join.